im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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