Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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