i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
