last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
