Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
