I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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