I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
