There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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