I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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