I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
