Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
