Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
