when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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