dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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