do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
