Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
