Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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