there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
