it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
