All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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