I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
