There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
