Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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