people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
