I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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