are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
