and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
