her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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