Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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