After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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