Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
