my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
