...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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