the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
