i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm at about main and main street
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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