I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
