had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
