So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
