I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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