Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
