She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
