some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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