Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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