You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
