The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
