I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
