You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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