tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
