we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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