My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
