She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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