Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
