Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
