i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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