opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
