i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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