Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
