My balls are so social today.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
