Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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