Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
