I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
