how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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