so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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