My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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