She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
