he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
