I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
