In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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