My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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