I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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