did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
